Beta Theta DATA

Spring 1996 Volume 44 Number 2
23 Sept 96

News & information by the alumni association of the Beta Theta Chapter of Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity at Cornell University
- On the 'Net - Mukang - Dik -
Alumni Notes
- Updates - ...continuously...
Chapter Eternal

Beta Theta DATA Now on the 'Net

Beginning with this issue, Beta Theta DATA will be published simultaneously on the Internet, as well as in print form. The content in either media will be essentially the same, though the printed format will continue to provide the personal addresses & phone numbers that are not appropriate to release to the general public.

"Beta Theta DATA on the World Wide Web will provide a tool for more timely communication, something that is essential because of the wide geographic dispersion of Beta Theta alumni," says Tom Sporney '75. "News and announcements will be updated virtually as they are received, rather than being held for the regular 6-month cycle. We plan to continue the printed version, though, as it remains the basic link for information & contributions, and hope that alumni will recognize this extra effort with their continued financial support."

For those with access to the WWW, point your browser to


Springing Forward

Mukang Cho '96
Alumni Relations Chairman

Slope Day once again brought back some familiar faces to the Beta Theta Chapter. Victor Blas '95, David Kim '95, and Chris Moeder '94 managed to somehow fit into one car to make the 4-hour drive from NYC to Cornell University. Peter LaMoreaux '95 was, of course, in attendance as well. At the chapter house, we had our traditional mixer to kick off the big weekend. Sunday following Slope Day, the entire fraternity, along with the 22 newly initiated brothers (aka NIBS), spent the day and night at the Guthrie Inn for the spring formal. During the wee hours of April 28th, the Beta Theta Chapter initiated the strongest pledge class of Cornell. Twenty-two men joined our ranks as brothers -- as the pledge class of 1996. From California and Colorado to New York and New Jersey, the NIBS represent a diversity of interests and backgrounds. Yet under the umbrella of Pi Kappa Alpha, they are men of integrity and great character. Congratulations, new brothers. The NIBS did a splendid job of transforming the fraternity house into Pike-delic during their traditional pledge party on April 13th. Joining in the festivities were Nathan Schreiber '95, Jason Cavaliere '95, Hank Freeman '95, Eric Wood '95 and John Kinzelberg '94.

While we had a successful past year in virtually every facet of the fraternity, we were unable to repeat last year's victory in the All-Sports Championships. Next year the trophy will return to 17 South Avenue. Under the leadership of the new Executive Board just recently elected on May 7th, with William Rukin '97 as President, the chapter feels nothing but enthusiasm and optimism as we look forward into the coming year. The Alumni Address Directory is well underway; it should be published and distributed in the fall.

We look forward to seeing you at the summer party and at Homecoming in the fall semester.


Dik's Ravings

Dik Saalfeld '80
Washington correspondent

As I look back at my two decades of affiliation with the Beta Theta chapter of Pi Kappa Alpha at our fair Cornell, I am reminded of a quote by Marx: "I would not join a club that would have me as a member." I certainly hope the chapter has raised its standards.

We were a motley crew. Look at Bob Montione '80, if you dare. He had such promise. His parents wanted him to be a doctor, like Dad, so he majored in - wait for it! - insects. No, not kids boinking their mothers, which would at least be interesting - I'm talking BUGS.

And Johnny O! He was a genius! The apple of his parents' eye! And I hear he is a cross-dresser! Not across sexes, like normal perverts, but across species! Yes! Someone said he has become a fish! A sturgeon! And not only that, an orthopedic sturgeon! A fish in a wheelchair! If Gibber were alive, he'd be spinning in his grave. The horror.

What about the other 18 members of our class, you ask? I am happy to report that Friggy is well, although he hasn't been missing any meals.

Speaking of meals, I have recently encountered the following brothers at events involving food: Kurt Dodd '79, Jeff Taub '80, Peter Atkeson '80, Tom Berg '80, Brett Sylvester '83, Martin Mooradian '83, Donzo '80, Nate Rudgers '82, and maybe some others. Martin is a lawyer with his own practice; he's still built like a tank, so he can give you whiplash himself, cutting out the middleman. His wife is beautiful as ever, as is Tom's dreamgirl wife, Val. Brett does patent law and fishes in his spare time, although I don't go with him anymore since he chewed me out over the dynamite incident. Donzo is getting filthy rich as a honcho with Hewlett-Packard. Tom and Jeff are still in the Navy and report that Chris Klyne '78 is skipper of a nuclear sub. Kurt is pursuing yet another degree in the hopes of having more letters after his name than in it.

Nate is deputy commissioner of agriculture for the state of New York. This wouldn't have happened if you buttheads in New York had voted for Mario. When next year's crops turn out to be stinkweed, don't come crying to me. I'm a Democrat. Which is why I'm unemployed. Again. If I had a nickel for every penny I made doing honest labor, I'd be in hock up to my tits. As it is, I've had to resort to the family business to meet daily expenses, namely mail fraud. With Republicans in office here in DC, my local business is booming. I'm marketing IQ extenders, which fit onto most hatbands. Discounts for brothers: 1-800-DIK LIES. Lines are open. Let's take the first caller -- Hello Detroit, you're on the air!

"Yo, dick."

"That's capital 'D', no 'c'!"

"I know, dick. Where's the money you owe..." CLICK.

Whoops! Wrong number!

At one point, this article seemed to have something to do with the Fraternity, but that was before Mr. Medication paid his visit!

But cerially, speaking of my 20 year association with Pi Kappa Dappa, I recently ran across the first article I ever wrote for the Beta Theta Data, a crisp news story about the new fraternity piano, before it saw use as a beer jacuzzi. This Pulitzer-calibre piece included an interview with Bill Sipperly '77, purchaser of said piano. All during the interview, conducted next to, you guessed it, the piano, I looked up into Bill's nosehairs, and I'm about 6'4". I estimated his height at 8'13" (not including corns), or, in metric, 4 milliliters. The piano was up to about here. I'm gesturing at the aforementioned tits, but I'm sitting down. Does the blind guy still come in to tune that thing? The piano, I mean. Remember him? No joke -- we had a blind piano tuner. The guy who came up to level the pool table could see fine, though; I would slip him a fin to put the list in it toward my favorite pocket, the one Hughie would stand next to, with the pocket at crotch level. I would line up hard shots at that pocket and whomp him. At first I thought he was just stupid, because he didn't seem to catch on, then I realized he liked it. Sometimes he would scamper into my room at 4am begging me to play pool.

I still get postcards from Gibber from different spots in South America and the islands, but my girlfriend says that they are imaginary. She does collect the stamps for her collection, though, saying that, imaginary or not, Salvadoran inverted "Julio" stamps are worth some pesos. She's an odd one, but maybe I'll keep her.

Pay your dues, brothers. Send them directly to me, cash only. Don't be stingy. Also, give money to the Capital Improvement Fund, and the Orphanage for Innocent Children, Puppies, and Baby Ducks, also in cash. Mail contributions in brown manila envelopes, small bills, to: Dik, Washington DC. No slugs or foreign currency, Deutschmarks and Yen excluded.



November 1, 1996 Fall 1996 Beta Theta DATA deadline
September 27, 1997 Homecoming vs. Colgate
September 19, 1998 Homecoming vs. Princeton


Alumni Notes

Go to - Updated Alumni Notes -

Win Gaylor '70 just bought a condo in Belleair FL, to be near his new job as development engineer -- ISDN products, for the Connectware subsidiary of AMP, Inc., in Largo FL. Expecting a visit from Jim Alinsky '70 this year.

Tom Berg '80, Valerie, and the girls have once again pulled up stakes -- this time to Vienna, Virginia, and life at the 5-sided puzzle palace (aka the Pentagon). "We've run into some old friends, including our Best Man, CDR (yup - still in the Nav!) Jeff Taub '80 and bride Valerie (great name!). Make sure that you give us a shout if you're headed to DC; we'd love to see you." (p.s. Johnny O, where are you??)
Halle Anne, daughter of Neil Best '82, celebrates her first birthday on May 4, 1996. Uncle Dik Saalfeld '08 hasn't visited her yet...
John Peterson '83 reports "big deals" in 1995:
Recently, Jeff Rosenberg '86 moved to Hot'lanta, where he hooked up with Tim Cole, and started a local chapter of the Bombay Club. Zulu also saw Lars Fuchs over Christmas in NYC with his girlfriend (??? -- yes, we're talking about Lars...) for dinner and some beers. "In the wee hours of the morning, we narrowly escaped wearing our Bass Ales and death, as we scampered out of a Hell's Angels bar fight in a hip East Village pub. Some things never change..."


Chapter Eternal

The brothers of Beta Theta Chapter of Pi Kappa Alpha extend their sympathy to the families and friends of the following brothers:

Robert H. Bowman '53
Dr. Robert P. Kelly



term Alpha Theta Director
1996 Mike Greenberg
1997 Ian Brown, Vice President
1998 Steve Amador, Treasurer
1999 Tim Cole, President
2000 Neil Cantor, Alumni Relations

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