Give My Regards to Davy
My Old Cornell
Hairy-Chested Men / Itsy Bitsy Spider
I Don't Go Out
The Yale Bulldog
Blinded by Turds
Charlotte the Harlot
Money Rolls In
Roll Me Over
Seven Old Ladies
Give my regards to Davy, remember me to Tee Fee Crane.
Tell all the pikers on the hill that I'll be back again.
Tell them of how I busted, lappin' up the high high ball.
We'll all have drinks at Theodore Zinck's when I get back next fall.
The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout
Down came the rain and washed the spider out
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain
And the GOD DAMNED SONOFABITCH WENT UP THE SPOUT AGAIN!!Harvard's run by Vassar, Vassar's run by Yale.
Yale's run by Wellesley, Wellesley's run by tail.
Princeton's for the pretty boys and fairies go to Penn,
But far above Cayuga Lake's a race of hairy men.
Oh we are the race of hairy chested men, hairy chested men, hairy chested men.
Oh we are the race of hairy chested men, and we are from Cornell.
We are from Cornell, we are from Cornell (Cornell!)
Oh we are the race of hairy chested men and we are from Cornell.
Don't send my boy to Harvard, the dying mother said.
Don't send my boy to Syr-ah-KUUUSSSSSE…, I'd rather see him dead.
Don't send my boy to Princeton, but better yet, Cornell.
And as for Pennsyll-vaaa-niiaaa…, I'll see him first in hell!
To hell, to hell with Pennsylvania,
To hell, to hell with Pennsylvania.
To hell, to hell with Pennsylvania.
To hell with U of P! P-U!
(innocently) We were only, only, foolin',
We were only, only, foolin',
We were only, only, foolin'—
LIKE HELL WE WERE! P-U! P-U!
I don't go out with girls anymore,
I don't intend to marry.
I sit in my room and play with myself,
Whoops, I'm a Yalie!
Oh, the freshmen up at Yale get no tail,
Oh, the freshmen up at Yale get no tail,
To relieve their aggravation they resort to masturbation,
Oh, the freshmen up at Yale get no tail.
Oh, the sophomores up at Yale get no tail,
Oh, the sophomores up at Yale get no tail,
So to satisfy their yen they resort to other men,
Oh, the sophomores up at Yale get no tail.
Oh, the juniors up at Yale get no tail,
Oh, the juniors up at Yale get no tail,
So they divide the class and half take it up the ass,
Oh, the juniors up at Yale get no tail.
Oh, the seniors up at Yale get no tail,
Oh, the seniors up at Yale get no tail,
After three years with other men, they don't know how to get it in,
Oh, the seniors up at Yale get no tail.
Oh, the professors up at Yale, they get tail,
Oh, the professors up at Yale, they get tail,
When they see a piece of ass, they keep her after class,
Oh, the professors up at Yale, they get tail.
Oh, the President up at Yale, he gets tail,
Oh, the President up at Yale, he gets tail,
But he's so goddamn old, that it's kind'a limp and cold,
Oh, the President up at Yale, he gets tail.
Oh, the Bulldog up at Yale has no tail,
Oh, the Bulldog up at Yale has no tail,
After walking all these halls, he is lucky he has balls,
Oh, the Bulldog up at Yale has no tail.
There was an old lady who lived on Lick Street
Her passage was blocked up from too much to eat
She took stomach pills without reading the box
Before she could strip, turds were flying like rocks.Toorala, tooralay
A rolling stone gathers no moss, so they say
Sing along, with the birds
It's a wonderful song but it's all about turds.She ran to the window, stuck out her ass
Just at that moment a cowhand did pass
He heard the strange noise, so he gazed up on high
A mighty big turd hit him right in the eye.[refrain]
Oh he ran to the east and the west
When a further consignment arrived on his chest
He fled to the north and he fled to the south
When a bloody big turd hit him right in the mouth.[refrain]
The next time you walk over Flatriver Bridge
Look out for a cowhand asleep on the ridge
His chest bears a placard, whereon are these words:
"Be kind to a cowboy who's blinded by turds."[refrain]
Charlotte the Harlot, the girl we adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whoreIt all began at the young age of eight
Sweet Charlotte she sat on the ol' school house gate
The bar it went over, the upright went in
And every since then she's been living in sinShe's Charlotte the Harlot, the girl we adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whoreWay down on the prairie where cowflop is thick
Where women are women and cowboys come quick
There lived pretty Charlotte, the girl we adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whoreIt's Charlotte the Harlot, the girl we adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whoreShe's dirty, she's vulgar, she spits in the street
Why, whenever you see her, she'a always in heat
She'll fuck you, she'll suck you, she'll chew on your nuts
She'll wrap her legs round you and squeeze out your guts
She'll lay for a dollar, take less or take more
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore[refrain]
One day on the prairie, no pants on her quim
A rattlesnake saw her and flung himself in
Now Charlotte the Harlot gives cowboys the fright
She's got the only vagina that rattles and bites[refrain]
One day on the prairie while riding along
My seat in the saddle, the reins on my dong
Who should I meet but the girl I adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore[refrain]
I got off my pony, I reached for her crack
The damn thing was rattlin' and bitin' me back
I took out my pistol, I aimed for its head
I missed the damn rattler, I shot her instead[refrain]
Well, her funeral procession was forty miles long
With a refrain of cowpunchers singin' this song
Here lies a young maiden who never kept score
Young Charlotte the Harlot, the cowpuncher's whore[refrain]
My father makes books on the corner
My mother makes second-hand gin
My sister makes love for a dollar
My god, how the money rolls in.Rolls in, rolls in
My god how the money rolls in, rolls in
Rolls in, rolls in,
My god, how the money rolls in.My brother's a poor missionary
He saves fallen women from sin
He'll save you a broad for five dollars
My god, how the money rolls in.[refrain]
Now my grandma sells cheap prophylactics
She punctures the head with a pin
While grandpa gets rich from abortions
My god, how the money rolls in.[refrain]
Now my uncle is whittling out candles
From wax that is specially soft
He says that they'll come in real handy
If ever his business falls off.[refrain]
Now I've tried it once or twice
And I've found it rather nice
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.Roll me over in the clover
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.Now this is number one
And I'm buttering up her bun.
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.[refrain]
Now this is number two
"Down in front, I'm comin' through!"
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.[refrain]
Now this is number three
Fancy friggin' fast and free.
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.[refrain]
Now this is number four
Cut the notch, I'm keepin' score
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.[refrain]
Now this is number five
That's enough, I've gotta drive.
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.[refrain]
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.
Oh, dear, what can the matter be? Seven old ladies were locked in the lavatory; They were there from Monday 'til Saturday, And nobody knew they were there.
The first old lady was Elizabeth Porter; She was the deacon of Dorchester's daughter. She went to relieve a slight pressure of water, And nobody knew she was there.
[refrain]
The second old lady was Abigail Splatter; She went there 'cause something was definitely the matter, But when she got there, it was only her bladder, And nobody knew she was there.
[refrain]
The third old lady was Amelia Garpickle; Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle. She hurdled the door; she'd forgotten her nickel, And nobody knew she was there.
[refrain]
The fourth old maiden was Hildegard Foyle; She hadn't been living according to Hoyle, Was relieved when the swelling was only a boil, And nobody knew she was there.
[refrain]
The fifth old lady was Emily Clancy; She went there 'cause something tickled her fancy, But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy, And nobody knew she was there.
[refrain]
The sixth old lady was extremely fertile. Her name was O'Connor, the boys called her Myrtle. She went there to repair a slight hole in her girdle, And nobody knew she was there.
[refrain]
The seventh old lady was Elizabeth Bender; She went there to repair a broken suspender. It snapped up and ruined her feminine gender, And nobody knew she was there.
[refrain]
The janitor came in the early morning. He opened the door without any warning, The seven old ladies their seats were adorning, And nobody knew they were there.
[refrain]
